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THE FALLTHE FALL
Through half slited waking eyes
I see him
A shadow of rage no longer a man
A smash resounds as he throws the nearest object
No words are spoken as the fist fist falls
I do as I always do
I go away in my mind
My own world
Snow covered and black and white
I am the only one here
I curl up and cry
Because I refuse to give him the satisfaction
Of crying in the real world
Maybe that's how my infatuation with fantasy started
I still go there sometimes
Its quiet and still
It calms my soul
The physical abuse has stopped
But I think the emotional torture may be worse
This is story of my fall
The White Rabbit A white rabbThe White Rabbit
A white rabbit lies within us all
A fantastical deciet we cling to
It is our dreams personified
Downward through the hole
Falll deeper now, Child
You are home
Greated by potions
Smelling faintly of unidetifiable herbs
A faint voice of aprehension cries
But the note on the bottle urges
As it passes your lips you fall again
Let it hold you
The doubting voice echoes
"Now you see..Sleep is the Enemy!"
I Am Become...Who?I Am Become...Who?
"I am become Death, destoryer of worlds,"
said Oppenheimer when he saw the first atomic bomb test
I....I have become the destoyer of all ties I have left
I have been consumed by this Krutch I cling to so fervently
My drug...it rushes into my brain
Swelling and multiplying
Everwhere it touches it alters the chemesty of my mind
Endorphines run rampant
Without it the dark depression would consume me
But slowly the dependance formed into its own shadow wihtin me
Every lie I let loose so artfuly
All the times I played the thief in the night
I lets ribbons of darkness that bind me to who I have become
Who am I without it?
The Music Finds it's Way InThe Music Finds it's Way In
The lyrics are a mystery
As a language I cannot understand fills my ears
But still the emotion gets through
No need for comprehension as a crooning voice
Let's me know that she is free from a failing relaionship
I feel the beats all the way down my spine
Like a morfine injction
Faltering and Failing
And music still finds its way in
Stronger now the music's much more furvent
The drum syncs with my pulse
Beating so hurridly
Back to the music that pulled me through in the past
A familiar voice lilting with her tell tale Italian accent
Her voice reaching hights that take me heart with it
SO LET THE MUSIC IN
Lord knows it has saved my life many times
Hearing someone sing so beautifully about the same horrors I feel in my own life
Knowing you are not alone it is a melencholly comfort
But comfort none the less
Even if I'm only finding help in anonymous serenades doesn't make the helping hands I grab so blindly for any less real
And know to any who read this that my
This Is What Follows What fThis Is What Follows
What follows are the hollow cries
The one's that erupt within me
Pushed it away and hid it so well
As to never let the truth escape these chapped lips
Frayed from standing; a solid wall
Between the two combatants of my birth
Keeping them from throttling one another
It swells the pain that dwells within me
My body which betrays me
The ever present dark deep agony
Shadows within me
So often I yearn to let it pull me ever further within my own shell
Who I was is gone
The memory of of child making herself small in her room to hide from the monster
Never afraid of the darkness
Only the one lurking in it
Hiding with a flashlight scribbling away
So many composition notebooks
Filled with lyrical, rhyming, Fantasies that never came true
And now I'm broken down upon the floor
Screaming to keep breathing
Without my anger what am I any longer?
God gave me Empathy
So strong a Gift they told me all my life
But left alone with them and curt barbs and out right Hatred given voice
A Conscious Dream DisorientatA Conscious Dream
Disorientation racks my body
Steals the breath from my lungs
Blinding my eyes
For a moment my body goes completely numb
And then, just slightly I feel the cold grasping at my fingertips
As my vision begins to clear I recognize where I am
A black sky with all the stars stretched above
The only light here is the full moon shining down
Illuminating the snow covered landscape that goes on forever in all directions
This is the land of my dreams
So many endless hours spent here lost and restless
But in all the time I never once felt the bitter cold I fight now
Always before I was never really here
It was a dream version of myself I watched helpless as a spectator
So confused and desperately afraid of something I could never understand
But here I am now
Feeling the wind on my face
The crunch of snow beneath my boots
Staring out at the infinite landscape I created in my mind to find comfort
Now I can feel the first inklings of what must have been her fear
Because as much as I
I AmI am single,
but I am loved.
I am not a genius,
but I am intelligent.
I am not breathtaking,
but I have beauty.
I am not a saint,
but I am kind.
To the world,
I am not perfect.
But for someone,
Don't pick a fight with an Artist
Don't pick a fight with an artist
Wanna fight pussy?
Give me yar best shot
Or will you throw a paintbrush at me?
I'm so scared- not
Excuse me? What did you say?
What is a punch you ask?
Of course let me tell you:
A blow with the fist- it's quite a simple task
Are y' gonna cwyyy?
I dunno what you just said
Why don't you let me show you?
I'll f****** punch you and then- boom- you're dead!?
Pardon? What did you ask?
You need a clearer definition?
Of course, let me show you
I'll demonstrate- with out your permission
Ouch! Hey no fair
Dude you are so gay
You write poetry
I'll make you f****** pay!
Discúlpeme? What did you mutter?
I'm gay? Is that what you said?
Perhaps you need some assistance, let me help
I'll be gentle I promise- I did need new ink! In the colour red<
All Her Little ThingsStop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from..
Stop demanding her to do things,
Things she can't accomplish,
Things she can't imagine being done...
Stop lying to her,
Telling her you love her,
Want her, need her...
When all you've ever done is make her want to
Stop hating her for the littlest things.
The things she can't prevent,
The things she can't save herself from...
When those little things you've done
Take her down...
The little things won't matter anymore.
lung canceri will die with your name on my lips
because there is nothing else i'll need to say.
you are my coffin, my funeral pyre.
as my bones disintegrate, popping and snapping,
you will greedily swallow my ashes
until nothing is left of me but secondhand smoke.
i've danced with you, love, across hospital tile,
the scent of antiseptic cloying as valentine's chocolate.
you dipped me into unconsciousness,
and i willingly closed my eyes.
the intrusion of your scalpel teeth no longer scares me.
you, my rigor mortis soul mate, always take me under.
your tent of frostbitten shelter pulls me down, an anchor,
while i gag on pills too abstract to save me.
forgive me, lungs, of my cigarette abuse,
but i've found happiness in a reaper's cloak.
i find comfort in these carcinogens.
i've made my nest in a swaying tree,
my body destroyed by the nauseous rocking.
they smile at me with pity in their eyes,
scribbling nonsense on those jaw-like clipboards.
their crisp, stark white world still has faith in me,
you've been dead for a year, my deari met you on december 21st,
the longest night of the year.
you had solstice eyes: cold, dark, alluring.
i knew you were not meant to last,
powerful as a gale but fragile as
the tulip stems you snapped,
a sickening cycle of you,
an overwhelming tidal wave.
they say two wrongs will never make a right,
but i made so many bad choices that
i wound up back where I began.
it was too easy to love you,
but getting you to love me back was impossible.
i clawed at your chest until I struck blood,
until my nails split into shards.
you were born a phantom,
and i, your corpse.
holding onto you felt like drowning in quicksand;
i fought but always sank into your arms.
i breathed in dirt, breathed in dust, and
found my organs choked with you,
smothered by your existence.
you sucked out my breath
every time i kissed you.
i died every day with your hand
knotted in my hair.
You left on june 21st,
the longest day of the year.
i bit down sorrow and deconstructed
the labyrinth within me,
the one you hadn't th
.the sun did not
kiss my skin
yesterday, he slept
face around noon
and then went back
to bed; the
Mirror, MirrorMirror, mirror, on the wall,
Watch it crumble, break and fall.
Look at all the bloody glass,
How it reminds them of a severed past.
Watch a reflection slowly disappear,
Looking at all the shattered, crushed mirrors.
A breathless state of mind goes by,
Am I just alive or did I die?
Confused and in an awe,
Careless people unknown to what one saw.
Throat slit so one can't be unlocked,
Too bad the thoughts have become blocked.
Crimson splatters, dripping, breaking away,
Thou shall not know the feeling of all the pain.
Oh, Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Why did you crumble, break and fall?
Eye of the StormI believed I could make the wind blow,
and force the moon to shine at night,
create rainbows just by thinking,
and hold tea parties for fairies in July,
I was the queen of my own graceful lands.
Yet, I grew old and realized,
I am the kind of girl who'd trip and fall,
often for stepping on her own feet.
My crown of diamond and gold
now a rusted piece of bronze,
I lost my throne to treason, my kingdom to hate,
I became the eye of a hurricane,
loaded with mishaps I need to atone.
I felt the soft touches of angels,
and lost my own wings to demons who could crush stone.
Felt the scorching tears run so often,
I knew I must have hit bottom low.
I had nothing holy, no one to call dear,
but here I am, the starting point of my own storm.
I felt fear, clung to shadows,
encased my heart within marble walls,
and threw the keys that can unlock my soul.
So many chances I've lost with no love to seek,
and so many people I turned my back to.
I let the darkness gnaw through my bones.
A stranger walked up to me today...A man walked up to me and asked me for a cigarette… I told him I didn't smoke anymore, and he asked me why? ––I answered "because the person I used to smoke with, isn't around anymore", and he replied…"that's why I smoke."
A woman walked up to me and asked me for drugs, I replied "I have several in store…his eyes, his smile, his hands"…she whispered, "that's not a drug"…and I laughed as I said.. "if only you knew."
A child walked up to me today and asked me to play a game, I told them I was too tired to play games, i'd been playing for years, they replied…"then you must be a pro!", to which I said "yes…a pro at losing."
An old woman stared at me today, and I asked her…"is something wrong?" she answered "I was about to ask you the same question."
© Rocio Belinda Mendez
A Fire To Burn Back The CriesIt still astounds me
How no one hears the droning on
Of this Earth shattering cry
I am left prone
Folded over myself
From fear of the scream
Incessant within my own mind
Following it downward
I reluctantly scratch the surface
What remains of the wall
That tenuously holds back
The Pain of my loosely tethered soul
It brings shadows to haunt my vision
Color grows stale before these cold distant eyes
Music...the harsh melodies and fiery lyrics
Which once kept me grounded
Seem fade to white-noise
In the face of such a cacophony
What is left to help weakening legs to hold me up
Only a simple sleeping ember
Awaiting a spark to bring flame back to my heart
So each night I pray
That God send me an angel
That one soul that might meet mine half way
Somewhere between hope and disbelief
So who will bring me back from the edge?
When will you awaken me?
It seems about the right time
Since the alarm has been sounding for quite some time...
LithiumA single trickling rain drop
Like gossamer silk strands
Gliding along my third eye
Whispers wind's secret caress
I exhale. Lungs releasing-
Pressing translucent memories;
Fragment of a fragment
As water kisses rose petal,
Drifting down stream's curtain
Pretty little curtain.
Where the wizard lies.
He smiles up at me
With his monocled brow-
Sipping on warm tea
And fingers quacking casually
To the rhythm of his notes
This is a safe-zone. Free-zone.
Innocent eyes sparkle,
Imploring it to be true. I breathe.
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More