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Never Gonna Be Father of the YearNever gonna be father of the year
I try desperately to remember so semblance of home
Where love and acceptance should cover me
But it is all spoiled by my father's rage permeating though
He knows how to hurt us best
Another aptly chosen insult causes the darkness inside of me to twist
His white hot temper hits me like a blow to gut
I learned long ago not to answer his anger with my own
But still the white hot rage within me swells to the surface
I feel it harden my gaze as a I lock eyes with him
Almost unnoticed a voice in the back of my mind screams at me to back down
I listen averting my eyes and digging my nails into my palms causing crescent moons to form on the heels of my palms
As I swallow back swirling mass of shadows that are my rage
His voice has risen as I was focused on my internal battle
Ignoring him when he's like this will never work
He can tell when I try to retreat in my head willing myself somewhere..anywhere else
So I do what I always do I stand there and take it
THESE BOUND WINGSTHESE BOUND WINGS
These fragile wings are bound by such heavy chains
Desire burns and resounds deep within me
I stare at the clear night sky
Yearning to finally take flight
I'm no angel
What right does a sneak thief have to this blessing
Borrowed wings from one of pure soul and conviction
She fell for my sake
Her final will was to pass this gift to me
As the sun sets over the frozen landscape
The links of the despicable chains
Made of my own fear and self deprecation
For once the loosen and fall away
I will honor those who lift me up
As I reach the stars of Heaven themselves
THE FALLTHE FALL
Through half slited waking eyes
I see him
A shadow of rage no longer a man
A smash resounds as he throws the nearest object
No words are spoken as the fist fist falls
I do as I always do
I go away in my mind
My own world
Snow covered and black and white
I am the only one here
I curl up and cry
Because I refuse to give him the satisfaction
Of crying in the real world
Maybe that's how my infatuation with fantasy started
I still go there sometimes
Its quiet and still
It calms my soul
The physical abuse has stopped
But I think the emotional torture may be worse
This is story of my fall
The White Rabbit A white rabbThe White Rabbit
A white rabbit lies within us all
A fantastical deciet we cling to
It is our dreams personified
Downward through the hole
Falll deeper now, Child
You are home
Greated by potions
Smelling faintly of unidetifiable herbs
A faint voice of aprehension cries
But the note on the bottle urges
As it passes your lips you fall again
Let it hold you
The doubting voice echoes
"Now you see..Sleep is the Enemy!"
I Am Become...Who?I Am Become...Who?
"I am become Death, destoryer of worlds,"
said Oppenheimer when he saw the first atomic bomb test
I....I have become the destoyer of all ties I have left
I have been consumed by this Krutch I cling to so fervently
My drug...it rushes into my brain
Swelling and multiplying
Everwhere it touches it alters the chemesty of my mind
Endorphines run rampant
Without it the dark depression would consume me
But slowly the dependance formed into its own shadow wihtin me
Every lie I let loose so artfuly
All the times I played the thief in the night
I lets ribbons of darkness that bind me to who I have become
Who am I without it?
The Music Finds it's Way InThe Music Finds it's Way In
The lyrics are a mystery
As a language I cannot understand fills my ears
But still the emotion gets through
No need for comprehension as a crooning voice
Let's me know that she is free from a failing relaionship
I feel the beats all the way down my spine
Like a morfine injction
Faltering and Failing
And music still finds its way in
Stronger now the music's much more furvent
The drum syncs with my pulse
Beating so hurridly
Back to the music that pulled me through in the past
A familiar voice lilting with her tell tale Italian accent
Her voice reaching hights that take me heart with it
SO LET THE MUSIC IN
Lord knows it has saved my life many times
Hearing someone sing so beautifully about the same horrors I feel in my own life
Knowing you are not alone it is a melencholly comfort
But comfort none the less
Even if I'm only finding help in anonymous serenades doesn't make the helping hands I grab so blindly for any less real
And know to any who read this that my
lost my voice.I wrote "I love you"
in the sand at the beach.
The tide swallowed the words
and drowned them
before I could speak.
HauntedI see her there with
Coal dust carved
Into the icy skin
Under her eyes,
And on her lips
Dance a chorus
Of bitter lies.
A skeletal hand of smoke
Claws at my neck
Until I bleed;
She tells me that the pain
Is just what I need.
And her blood
Zooms in her veins
Like speeding cars.
She looks at me
At what I am.
She’s a snake,
In the guise
Of a lamb.
‘What happened to us?’
Of what I used to be.
‘I may be you,
But you are not me.’
The sun comes up:
Yesterday is gone
But see it this way;
The past is part of the future
But the future isn’t the past.
You choose which bits go,
You choose which bits last.
How to love a poet: Expect them to be flawed,
a field of wild flowered-
& an inability
Love them anyway.
Know that when they look at you
they are noticing the little things.
Loving A Guy Who Cannot Love Himself.Firstly, tell him that he doesn't necessarily need to be the “strongest” man in the world,
that if he cries, you won't look down on him for it,
that you won't call him weak.
Tell him that he doesn't have to like sports, or fishing, or football, or any of the “mainstream” things that boys are “supposed” to like.
Let him know that liking art, or dancing, or singing or acting doesn't make him gay, doesn’t make him any less of a man, it just makes him who he is.
A human being.
And for goodness sakes, tell him that blue does not have to be his favorite color, than he can indulge in pink, or purple or even magenta!
And to the girl who take on the task, remember please, that it is not always the Knight who saves the Princess.
No, this time, the Princess may need to save the Knight.
Do not pour your problems onto him, rather, balance each other out.
Be a shoulder to cry on. A friend to be there. A love that never leaves.
Perhaps more than often,
You Ever Felt ItHave you ever felt it?
When you lay there broken
And feel yourself so guilty
Eyes gushing red
And you want to sleep in a coma
Your brain swelling with thoughts
At the same time empty with nothing
When you can't suit yourself
And see yourself a place among the demons
that moment when you control your life
The moment when you choose between life and death
And then you yourself can decide either way
It's when you're on the edge
And want someone to pull you back before you make another step
A hook, to rip all the insanity out of your body
And suck all the madness that is growing black dead trees
Have you ever felt it, have you known depression
Did you ever seek a source of help, and did you ever find it
I Fell In love Inside of a DreamI fell in love,
inside of a dream.
And woke up,
with a broken heart.
But it wasn't my heart,
that was broken.
It was his,
and I'll never see him again.
That long haired, pale skin,
blue eyed boy, will forever remain,
a figment of my imagination.
So close, yet so far away.
And I will never be able to apologize,
for my mistake.
ShatteredIf I found you, on your knees,
trying desperately to collect the shattered pieces of your heart-
I would kneel beside you and help you pick them up.
I would not cast a blind eye,
and pretend I had not seen you.
If I saw that your hands had been cut,
by the very shards of hope you were trying so hard to gather-
I would take your hands in mine, and hold them until the pain subsided.
Then I would kiss every wound- no matter how big or how small,
until I was sure you would be able to use your hands again.
If you were crying from the fear that you'd never be able to pick up everything,
I would hold you until your tears stopped, and I would comfort you with gentle words.
But I would not lie to you- I would never lie.
The heart is a frail thing- once shattered, it can never be fully repaired.
Parts will remain missing, and the mended hope will always bear cracks.
If we found that we'd gathered all that we were able,
and that there were a fine powder remaining of what we could not collect.
...You struck a chord in my soul.
Now it rings in my ears,
sweet melody that deafens
screams louder now can't hear it's own
a poem about too many people and too much heart.you were my
conclusion- the last paragraph
and the last thing
i got to say.
i loved you and i
took words from
between my eyelashes and i
put them down for
you, i took you apart
a million times
in my mind and always put you
and i drew
you, soft and silhouetted
window, the pane
foggy and i thought of you
in the darkest of
times, because i kept telling myself
that you were the
light (like you
i know that i am just
a girl with
too much heart and
too weak of ribs; but
i was hoping
that you would help the foxes
hunt the hounds, just for
A Fire To Burn Back The CriesIt still astounds me
How no one hears the droning on
Of this Earth shattering cry
I am left prone
Folded over myself
From fear of the scream
Incessant within my own mind
Following it downward
I reluctantly scratch the surface
What remains of the wall
That tenuously holds back
The Pain of my loosely tethered soul
It brings shadows to haunt my vision
Color grows stale before these cold distant eyes
Music...the harsh melodies and fiery lyrics
Which once kept me grounded
Seem fade to white-noise
In the face of such a cacophony
What is left to help weakening legs to hold me up
Only a simple sleeping ember
Awaiting a spark to bring flame back to my heart
So each night I pray
That God send me an angel
That one soul that might meet mine half way
Somewhere between hope and disbelief
So who will bring me back from the edge?
When will you awaken me?
It seems about the right time
Since the alarm has been sounding for quite some time...
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More